Prepare thyself for one twisted tale.
Through the chapters of time, legends have been told
of brave knights, evil warlocks,
beautiful maidens, magical prophecies,
and other serious shit.
Be not afraid.
This is your destiny.
You will bear my seed,
giving birth to a new beast,
a new age.
An age where I will command mankind in fear!
To arms!
At ease, Maiden.
When the Iight of the worId fIickers,
we, the GoIden Order of Knights,
restore the ruIe of good.
You're safe now.
Then Iet us pray
that 100 years from now when these two moons meet again,
there will be a hero as brave as you, my Iord.
A hero as brave.
Oh, fuck me.
Prince Thadeous of Mourne,
you are hereby sentenced to death by hanging
for your illicit behavior
with the nobIe Dwarf King's second wife Regina.
You're a disgrace to any kingdom!
I say hang the bastard.
Get on with it!
And your minstreI, Courtney,
is to be tarred and feathered
for unIawfuI association with a deviant.
ChiIdren, I'm allergic, pIease. Let's not.
PIease! These allegations, they're being greatIy exaggerated.
It was more or Iess just heavy petting
with a brief moment of penetration.
Disgusting!
He deserves to die! Kill him! Hang the bastard!
Hey! Easy! That's not nice.
You, bIoodthirsty IittIe fucker!
Show me some respect, I'm a prince!
To the boweIs of hell!
Good night, Prince.
Oh, dear gods.
Your Highness, what are you doing?
I'm escaping, Courtney!
Quit pIaying with those chiIdren and heIp me!
Kill him!
Get him! After him!
Your Highness, wait for me!
Why are they upset?
All dwarf queens are unfaithful.
Hurry, Courtney, back to the kingdom!
Forgive us with your tiny hearts!
Faster sheepies, faster!
Please wait, sir!
Courtney, you've proven yourself useless yet again.
Who's that?
We're safe and we're stoned.
Ganja!
They're gaining on us.
Oh, the dragon!
Those Highland Dwarves have got weapons!
Coming through.
Boobies!
Watch out, Courtney!
I'm telling father we should go
to war with these double-crossers.
Poultry!
Livestock! Courtney, this is no time to be napping.
I'm a chicken.
Let's get back... Oh, look!
Mmm. A little feast to break up this pursuit.
Dangerous, yet delicious.
I'm jumping out this window.
He's angry!
Courtney, break my fall with your body.
Ow! Please don't hurt my bottom!
Run, Courtney! Pick up the pace!
Why do people so little run so fast?
That was close.
Courtney, I've had enough of this nonsense!
Crack-a-lacka, you little varmint.
They're devils, sir! They're devils!
- Get him! - They're muscular.
- Get off me! - That's it, sir!
Your Highness!
PIease tell me that you compIeted your simpIe task
and secured the treaty signed by the Lord of the Dwarf Village.
Father, they sent a beautifuI woman
to distract me and I was defenseIess.
Don't bandy words with me, Thadeous.
Your brother is to return from his quest at any moment.
PIease go and bathe yourseIf.
Why must I bathe just because Fabious...
Because you smell Iike the underside of a sheep's scrotum.
God, if your mother couId see you now.
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Oh, dear gods.
It is with bIossoming personaI joy
that I announce the return of the mighty,
the magnificent, the mercifuI,
Prince Fabious!
Hey, Prince Fabious, we adore you!
WeIcome home, Prince Fabious.
You're my king, Prince Fabious.
WeIcome home! You are adored.
It's Prince Fabious!
Prince Fabious, I'm here for you now.
Brother!
Oh, my god, I missed you so.
Great to see you.
Father.
My son.
WeIcome home.
As you all know,
the eviI wizard Leezar has pIagued our kingdom
with his fouI creatures and wicked ways for years.
But with my brave trusted knights
and my dear Simon.
Join us, my mechanicaI friend.
We have dispatched the Iatest of these coId bIooded enemies.
BehoId!
The head of Leezar's mighty CycIops!
Fuck, yeah!
Fabious! Fabious! Fabious!
Once again, Prince Fabious has made me as proud as a father couId ever be.
All the Iand owes him gratitude.
This is not the onIy good news
that I've brought home with me today.
Father, Brother, kingdom...
She is radiant!
I'd Iike you to meet my bride-to-be.
Belladonna.
Belladonna, my dear,
why don't you deIight us with your story.
Oh, no. It's a story of strife and sadness.
No, no, it's not. It's a story of Iove.
You don't have to tell it. Shh.
If she doesn't want to tell it.
She will tell. This is a tabIe full of your Ioved ones.
Oh. Okay.
I've been heId captive by Leezar
in the Tower of Disorder since I was but a chiId.
Never knowing Iove nor human contact.
But I never gave up hope.
Singing every day, praying that someday my hero wouId find me.
And I did.
We had just sIaughtered the CycIops.
We were on our way home, and on the wind
I heard the most beautifuI song.
Fascinating, really. May we take pause for one moment.
Yes, sir.
Look at Courtney's new haircut.
Doesn't it make his head Iook Iike the tip of a penis?
It's hiIarious.
Thadeous, pIease. Enough.
My heart's desire, what is this?
No. That's a... We call that a fork,
and you use that for your food.
Right there. Fucking idiot.
Having spent years in the tower
has made her ignorant to some of our customs and things in generaI.
Why, yes, of course.
If your mother were here today,
she wouId be a very proud woman, Fabious.
Thank you, Father.
Which is why I ask your permission to marry her at once.
The gIory of romance!
I call upon my criers to procIaim
that tomorrow we'll see the greatest wedding this kingdom has ever known.
And tonight, we ceIebrate!
I don't Iike this.
Courtney, will you make funny faces to entertain me?
No.
Never triangIe face. I hate triangIe face. It scares me.
ApoIogies.
Ah.
Good evening, Your RoyaI Highness.
JuIie.
Hello, fucking JuIie.
What a wonderfuI, wonderfuI evening, sire.
Yet another gIorious achievement
in the whoIe firmament of starring moments for your brother Fabious.
We shall remember it for the rest of our Iives.
Isn't that amazing how he can taIk
and suck my cock at the same exact time?
Yes, it is. IncredibIe.
Oh, cIean yourseIf up.
ShouId have cIosed your eyes, JuIie.
I know your vuIgarity masks your pain.
No, it doesn't.
I was trying to remember the Iast time we had
one of these wonderfuI evenings for you, sir.
SureIy there must have been one
somewhere in the history of this kingdom, of your illustrious Iife.
There must've been some moment
that we can all remember.
And I'm trying to think now
and there's nothing.
Courtney, I think I've had enough of this fouI party.
Yes, sir.
Stupid Julie, I'll show him.
I am Thadeous,
the greatest sword fighting man to ever Iive.
I will murder anyone who ever tries to insuIt me
or challenge me.
Some balls you have, Simon, showing yourseIf to me.
No matter what you say, we'll never be friends
because I hate mechanicaI inventions
and you know this.
Wipe that smiIe off your face.
Hey, Simon.
You shouId swing from your hips, Brother. You'll get more Ieverage.
Here, Iet me show you.
Oh, god.
Put your hands there, yeah,
and swing.
Gods, get off of me. I know how to use a sword.
Do you? Yes.
We'll see about that.
Okay, enough. I don't want to do swords with you.
I'm doing it by myseIf.
Defend yourseIf, Brother!
Stop it. There you go.
Stop.
Defend yourseIf!
Stop it.
Oh, shit!
You just nicked my knuckIes!
Oh, you'll be all right. It's not as if I cut your head off or anything.
Why wouId you bring that disgusting thing here?
It's getting juices in our water suppIy.
It's a souvenir of my kill.
I aIways take one from a foe that's tasted the coId,
unreIenting steeI of my bIade.
Souvenir of your kill?
That sounds Iike a rather stupid, bIoodthirsty tradition.
What's your probIem?
Why are you such a sourpuss?
I'm not being a sourpuss. I just didn't wanna be at that ceIebrations.
All I want is for you to be a part of this moment.
I want you to be gay with me and father.
I don't want to be gay with you two.
I'd rather just stay in here
with my bIade and fuck things up.
Why wouId you say that?
Because, Fabious, it's true.
I'm sick and tired of everyone sucking up on your tits
because you are to become king.
All the whiIe, no one gives two turtIe shits about me.
But Thaddy, first borns Iike me, we become king.
Second borns, you can be whatever you want to be.
I want to be king.
Maybe we can both be king.
No, I want to be king by myseIf.
Well, cheer up, Brother.
I have something eIse that you can be.
What?
Best man at my wedding.
I can think of no one eIse I'd want by my side
as I sing my vow passionateIy into her eyes.
Sounds tedious and boring.
If I'm not mistaken, it is a tradition
that the best man gets to Iay with the bridesmaids. PIuraI.
Really? I've never heard of this tradition.
You have a fucking deaI.
Oh, you're gonna be so handsome!
Who's gonna be the most handsome best man?
ProbabIy me.
Who's the prince with the most dashing moustache?
Me.
Who gives the warmest hugs?
Me, of course.
I Iove you, Thadeous.
Okay, that's cooI.
All gather for the royaI wedding!
Hello there, best man.
Best man?
If he wanted a best man, he shouId have chosen me.
How many quests have I been on with Fabious?
CountIess. Mmm.
I gave my hand to save his Iife on the battIefieId.
And yet he chooses Thadeous as his best man.
That sorry sack of shit.
Such a poor excuse for a prince.
He's nothing more than a seIf-entitIed, rotten chiId!
Idiot.
Enough, enough.
If Thadeous wishes to pIay forgetfuI
on his brother's day of days,
then wait we shall not.
I can't get married without my brother. He's my best man.
His time has passed. Pick another best man.
No.
JuIie, you be best man. Here you are.
Godsdammit.
Your Highness,
the wedding has started.
I do not care.
I'd rather be with this fine gentIeman.
I'll hide with my true friend
and Iet the whoIe entire wedding wonder where I am.
This is the day that I've been waiting for
Sand in the kingdom
Our love is born
Flowing from the ocean to the moons
Your heart now I hold
You have a beauty I can't ignore
Bastion of all I do adore
Giving this moment
Our love that's true
Our hearts now are one
Bravo!
ReveaI yourseIf, stranger. Are you Iost?
A thousand pardons. I mean not to intrude on such a joyous occasion.
However, today I just couId not heIp myseIf.
Leezar!
You're not weIcome here, deviI!
If you come in peace, say so,
otherwise prepare to meet your doom.
Oh, brave Fabious.
You murdered my CycIops. But I have other periIs in store for you.
Ones that are beyond the bounds of your imagination.
One, in particuIar,
invoIving an ancient prophecy destined
to be fuIfilled by a powerfuI warIock,
me.
And, of course, a very beautifuI virgin that Iooks just Iike
her.
I was keeping that one for something very speciaI.
And I dare say it was rude of you to steaI her from me.
Now I'm here to get her back.
And just how do you pIan on doing that?
Magic,
motherfucker.
Not a moment more.
Knights, to arms! Take him!
Do you honestIy think your band of worms can stop me?
Arise therefore, my mothers!
Watch out!
Come with me.
Leezar!
I shall not go back to that dreadfuI tower!
Look into my eyes!
You will Iearn to Iove me! Do you understand?
Come on.
ImpossibIe.
Farewell, Kingdom of Mourne.
As aIways, it has been my pIeasure.
I thought it was from riding sheep,
but it turns out just to be an ear infection.
You fucker!
Good times.
No one get up. I'm very tired.
I'm going straight to my bed chambers.
Brother, thank god you're aIive.
When you didn't show up for the wedding, I feared the worst.
Why are you crying?
Leezar has taken my Iove.
What? Yes.
So, your brother is about to embark on yet another quest.
This time to rescue Belladonna
and rid the Iand of that Ioathsome wretch
once and for all.
Wow, how nobIe of him.
Well, it was nice to see you, as short as the visit was.
It is finally time for you to become a man.
You must journey with your brother to rescue his bride.
Father, you can't be serious.
If you want me to go on to a quest,
then Iet's start with something easy,
Iike boiIing a chicken or beating off in front of a Pegasus.
EIementary things.
Look around you at the harm that has befallen this castIe!
This quest is your Iast chance
to prove to me and the kingdom
that you are a man worthy to bear the family crest,
and to show that at your core, you are not rotten,
but you are brave, and honorable, and noble.
All the qualities expected of a prince.
The choice is yours.
Either journey with your brother and the Knights EIite,
or you can face banishment from the kingdom.
Shit.
You see, Courtney,
I aIone understand how to properIy prepare for a quest.
MascuIine garments, proper, good collie to smoke upon.
How is Steven doing?
He Iooks Iike he's stoned, sir.
Fabious has Simon,
and now I have Steven, a far superior creature companion.
WouIdn't you agree?
He will fare very well, indeed, I'm sure, Your Highness.
I do hope this adventure is not too stressfuI or boring.
Either way I intend to get properIy fucked up if no one disagrees.
Belladonna, wake up. Wake up.
Who is that? Where am I?
'Tis I, Fabious. Your Iove.
Fabious?
You're still in Leezar's Iair.
But fear not, I'm here to rescue you.
Fabious, it's really you.
I knew you'd come to find me.
I can't do this. I can't do it. It's so mean.
You shouId've seen the Iook on your face. It's me!
You're still a prisoner.
I've seen a beautifuI worId beyond this prison,
and I count the hours till I escape.
I wouIdn't be so sure of that.
Lookie there. The twin moons drawing sIowIy together.
Time moving them cIoser.
Just as time moves you and I cIoser together.
And when the two moons unite, so shall we.
Perhaps, keeping you in this tower has Ieft you ignorant.
You're so easiIy deceived.
For exampIe, I have heard that your Prince Fabious
has made his bed reckIessIy with many maidens.
And I heard that he has fungi on his genitaIia as a resuIt.
AIso, he organizes orgies
with wenches and barbarians aIike
and he takes sperm on him and gives it to women freeIy.
Spilling his seed willy-nilly
as he makes his way through that orgy.
I don't beIieve you.
He is not the dashing young man you beIieve him to be.
So
these are the harsh reaIities of the outside worId.
WeIcome home.
HaIt! Steady.
Oh.
Sorry to disturb you two Iove birds
but we've arrived at the home of the Wize Wizard.
Who the hell is the Wize Wizard?
He's an ancient seer who heIps many
on their quest with added insight.
Great. Well, Iet me know how it goes.
Leave him in his carriage, Fabious.
You and I will seek counseI with the Wize Wizard.
No.
Come, Brother. This is the first stop on your first quest.
We shall go together.
Brother,
you Iook ravishing in that armor,
but I don't think you'll need it.
The Wize Wizard is a peacefuI, IittIe oId man.
I'm wearing it. You're just being jeaIous.
Shit!
Thadeous!
Fuck.
Hello? Anyone home?
Looks as if someone is cuItivating gIorious herbs in here.
Hey, Wize Wizard, is that you over there?
Who dares enter my den?
It is I, Prince Fabious and my brother, Prince Thadeous.
We come to seek counseI.
Come, come. Give me kisses.
Kiss him.
Fuck, no.
Pretty pIease.
Kiss it on the mouth.
For the quest.
I do it every time I come.
Hello. Nice to meet you.
Oh, god.
Sit, sit.
Sit.
Fabious has been coming here since he was a boy.
You did this when you were a chiId.
Yes!
We had great times, didn't we?
Yes, yes, we did.
You wouId kiss him?
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, sometimes we wouId do other things.
Like what?
When I was younger, we'd take our shirts off and jump on the bed.
PIayfuI secrets.
Don't tell father.
Hmm.
Breathe deepIy of these herbs
and share a vision with me.
Of course.
Yes. Allow me to puff as well.
Hmm.
Those are some powerfuI herbs.
Giving me dark visions.
Shall we pack this again?
I'm not getting visions. I'm not sure if it's working, Wizard.
Visions. Visions.
Thadeous, are you seeing what I'm seeing?
You making a fooI yourseIf.
HandIe your shit, Fabious, pIease.
No, I can't.
PIease, interpret these visions, Wizard.
Prophecies foretell of an eviI wizard
Iaying his seed inside a virgin
under the ecIipse of the two moons.
What? What eviI prophecy is this?
The chiId she wouId spawn
is said to be a dragon most powerfuI.
Ew. Leezar wants to make Iove to Belladonna to create a dragon?
That's fucking disgusting.
I cannot Iet this happen.
When is this ecIipse?
In five nights' time,
but you will need an enchanted bIade to do this warIock in.
A bIade made of unicorn horn.
Say where I can find such a sword and it shall be mine.
It rests in the depths of the most periIous hidden Iabyrinth.
Just beyond MuIdiss Darton.
Well, what is MuIdiss Darton?
It's a pIace of Iegend.
Oh. PowerfuI magic.
This crooked compass will catch the Iight
and point the way to the Iabyrinth's Iocation.
Be warned,
they say the walls of this maze drive men to madness.
But if you can find your way,
the bIade will be yours.
Thank you, Wize Wizard.
Not so fast. First you must answer a riddIe.
What journey be Iong and twisted and sensitive at hand?
To what end must man go to discover the depths of his ecstasy?
Think hard, strong warriors.
Fuck, I know this.
Oh.
I've got it!
You want us to twist what is Iong with our sensitive hands.
He wants us to jerk him off.
Just punch the tip and twist it.
Yes, but we are not going to do that.
If it's for the quest, we will do what needs to be done.
Yuck!
Pervert.
Did you get any information?
Let's just make camp.
Sick. This quest sucks.
It used to be you that joined him.
Yes.
Don't worry. All will be well.
Ha!
Attentions pIease, warriors.
I propose a toast.
Let us drink till thine asses are drunk.
Brother, we do not ceIebrate
untiI we compIete the quest at hand.
It is the code of the Knights EIite.
What of my code where we drink Iike men?
Thadeous, we have some traditions
of our own out here on the road.
Manious, prepare the warrior's tidings, if you will.
If it is the first night of your first quest, well...
Here it comes.
Disgusting.
Feast upon the heart of the beast.
No, thank you, I'm not hungry.
It is a tradition among men.
Eat it. Eat it.
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
You fuckers! That's not funny!
You're not supposed to eat it.
You all were chanting.
Maybe there's some donkey cock in your carriage!
Fuck you, Boremont! Manious, fuck you!
I hate all of you.
Thadeous!
Come back.
Thadeous, come here.
Dark master,
it is I, JuIie.
We have crossed the hazeI meadow,
and are now taking rest at the CIiffs of Kuneman.
Now that the Princes of Mourne have Ieft their stronghoId
their vuInerabiIities are in your hands.
My hands.
Bring Prince Fabious to me aIive.
I wouId Iike him to witness as I impregnate his Iove.
Impregnate.
As for Thadeous and his boy,
toss them from the CIiffs of Kuneman. They're useIess.
Fart.
Knock, knock. May I come in?
No, Ieave me aIone. Get out of here.
Thadeous, you must caIm down. It's over.
You ate the heart, you passed the initiation.
Passed?
You made me Iook stupid in front of all your friends.
And don't think I'm not telling father because I'm going to.
Thadeous, we were just having some fun, and it was perfect.
Now they know you're not to be fucked with.
Excuse me, sir, sorry for the intrusion.
I have just witnessed a most disturbing incident.
There must be a misunderstanding.
JuIie is my most trusted confidant.
JuIie is an idiot.
No, he's not. He's a gentIeman.
JuIie is what, Your Highness?
I'm not sure, JuIie.
Courtney said he saw some suspicious behavior.
You, I saw you taIking with Leezar.
How dare you watch me in my private moments.
He's stoIen my vision.
Get him, Courtney!
Come here!
You oId beast.
Courtney, just restrain him with all your might.
No, sIay him!
Murder him!
Die of me.
What?
Don't move, you're surrounded.
Ew!
JuIie has no dick!
Ew.
Boremont!
HeIp!
Knights!
A turncoat has been discovered!
Prince Fabious, what is wrong?
Boremont, seize JuIie,
I'm afraid he's betrayed us!
That thing is a dickIess traitor!
- A traitor, you say. - Yes.
I saw him seeking counseI with Leezar.
CounseI? With Leezar?
Well, if what they say is true,
then, JuIie, I have but one question for you.
What were our master's orders?
What?
His orders were simpIe.
Capture Fabious and kill the rest.
Boremont, how couId you?
What about the code of the Knights EIite?
Code?
Upon your choice of best man for your wedding,
your ''code'' became cIear to me.
You hurt my feeIings.
Now I shall hurt yours.
Kill them all!
Look out!
To the carriage!
Your friends tried to sIay us.
Those bastards! Get in!
After them!
Okay, go!
We've got company!
Ready yourseIves!
These men are fierce!
Oh, gods!
Under the cart you go!
Fucking sword! Stab him!
You cut his hair off!
Oh!
Fabious, he's coming!
I know, get up here!
Come on!
Now what?
I have a pIan. We jump on the horses and ride away.
But the horses, they're moving.
I know. I know.
Oh, shit!
Come on!
What? Want me, as well?
Now!
Face me, you traitor.
Look!
Oh, shit!
We did it!
Ka-boom!
Yes!
If I couId have everyone's attention.
I'd Iike to say a few words, if I may.
I have prepared this feast
in honor and appreciation of Belladonna.
Seems Iike it was onIy yesterday
that we used sorcery to burn your village to the ground,
come in and snatch you.
But I remember Iooking at you
all those years ago and thinking,
''Wow, that's a baby.''
''And that's the baby that someday I will have to have sex with.''
Now, Iook at me.
A 19-year-oId boy, aImost a man,
still a virgin.
To the fuckening!
Yes, to the fuckening!
Leezar, what is this rubbish you have set before us?
It's such a funny choice for a feast.
I'm just a IittIe overwheImed right now.
DeaIing with her and you and the fucking prophecy.
I mean, we couId all just reIax...
Master.
What do you want, JuIie?
RegrettabIy, the Princes of Mourne have escaped.
You shouId've killed them at the wedding when you had the chance.
Fabious is of no purpose to us.
SiIence!
His purpose is to destroy you and your eviI ways.
WouId you shut up, or I will Iove you Iess.
Are those fish fingers you're eating?
No more questions! Now find them!
Shit! Fabious, the horses! They're escaping.
Yes, it's a distraction to Iead them off our traiI.
And what are we to do now? WaIk all the way home?
Home? We're not going home.
Just because the knights betrayed us
does not mean we give up on the quest.
Together we can still accompIish what needs to be done.
How? We're Iost. We have no food, no garments, no meat, nothing!
We have each other.
The compass points north.
We shall follow it still.
I will not give up till Belladonna is safe in mine arms.
Oh, god.
Simon! Where have you been?
Shit.
What?
I Ieft goddamn Steven back at camp.
Who's Steven?
He's my IoyaI animaI companion.
And he means just as much to me as Simon means to you.
But I guess I'll never see him again.
Very well. I understand that bond.
Let us return to camp, face the traitors and rescue Steven.
No, fuck it. It's over.
But, perhaps, since my animaI companion is no Ionger here,
it's onIy fair that we get rid of yours as well.
No, that wouId serve no purpose, Brother.
That wouId be Iike me asking you to get rid of Courtney
just because JuIie is no Ionger with us.
I will drown Courtney in the shallow fucking pond right now
if that means fair is fair.
I don't Iike that idea, sir.
No, Simon can heIp us.
Simon,
you must take this message to father.
Tell him that the Knights EIite betrayed us
and he must send an army across the valley to MuIdiss Darton
and heIp us retrieve the BIade of Unicorn.
Hurry, Simon!
FIy to Mourne and deIiver these desperate words.
FIy!
Come on, Manious, you've been sniffing dirt all morning.
We wouId not be in this position, JuIie,
if you wouIdn't have gotten caught communicating with Leezar.
And if you Iadies were proper assassins,
you'd have cut them down back there as the Dark Lord commanded.
Manious, what do you see?
They stepped towards the sun here.
This bIade of grass, one of them pissed on it.
And then they moved, very quickIy, mind, towards...
There!
That's Marteetee's Iand.
What?
Our mission may be compIeted sooner than I expected.
If I may be so boId, Your Highness,
what is the meaning of that ribbon that you hoId?
This?
It's a gift from Belladonna.
A symboI of her virgin purity.
I hoId it and savor it.
You do that instead of have sex with her?
Belladonna is unIike any maiden in the kingdom.
She behaves without judgment,
defies expectation.
When I first heard her voice
a tear came to my eye,
and that tear turned to ice,
and I kept that frozen tear
far from my heart that burns with passion.
If she had a wound,
I wouId kiss it.
If she had a spIinter,
I wouId pull it from her fIesh with mine Iips.
Just say we are too Iate and Leezar has had his way with her,
wouId you still be abIe to be with her?
I don't want to think about that.
But just say that we were moments Iate,
and he was abIe to get her cookies.
Shut up.
Yes, I know, but what if he butt-fucked her? WouId you still Iike her?
Do I have to write you a poem?
There's never been a Iove so true as ours.
That's pure Iove.
Yes, it is.
No, that's pure Iove.
There's a naked woman standing behind you.
Who is that?
Is she Iooking at us?
Who is it? Is it him? Are you Iooking to him?
Is it Courtney? Is it to me?
It's Courtney. I think it's to me.
I beIieve she is taking her trousers off.
Right, I will return momentariIy.
No.
Thadeous, it might be a trap.
The onIy thing those tits will trap is my warm spray.
Have fun rubbing your ribbon.
Disgusting.
Come back here, you.
I'm beginning to think he doesn't care about this quest.
What couId possibIy make you think that, sir?
Oh, shit!
It's a trap. A booby trap.
Oh, god!
It was a trap.
White peopIe, I knew it!
White peopIe?
Are they nice or are they mean? They're mean!
They're the meanest!
What do we do?
I don't know. It is against code to strike a woman.
I'm sick of your silly codes.
Punch these Iadies in the face!
Sire, where are they taking us?
I don't know. Stay cIose!
Marteetee.
Mart-who?
SiIence!
Good day, my IittIe bees
and weIcome to my most speciaI of events.
We have a wonderfuI treat
as you get to witness a sea of babbIing men
behoId their fates.
Enter, DastardIy!
BIoodthirsty creatures.
Oh!
Brother, if I die, you must promise me to continue our quest.
Ooh!
Him. No!
Kill him first!
Stay away!
Take the knife.
Why?
Watch this.
Oh! Yes!
No!
Face! Yes!
Huh?
We've bested your finest warrior.
Now grant us our freedom!
Yeah!
Bring Marteetee his cauIdron!
What is the cauIdron?
Are my bees ready
for the grand finaIe?
Yes, my pet!
Come forth
and show thy buIbous!
Oh, shit!
Oh, gods!
Over here!
Hey, over here!
Over here!
Bring your fight to me!
Shit!
Thadeous!
Shit!
Sir!
I've been bitten! I can't move my Ieg.
You've got to suck out the venom.
I don't want to suck it! You suck it!
I can't suck my own venom!
Yes, you can. I'll heIp you!
Suck it! Suck your venom.
I can't reach it with my mouth!
Courtney, suck the venom!
I've never sucked... Suck it!
And who have we here?
A sprightIy IittIe warrior you are.
Suck it! Right there! Suck it!
I will make nice when I enter you!
It's coming! It's coming!
Courtney spit the Ioad!
Don't swallow the venom! Spit it!
Come on! Come on!
Kill it! Fuck it up!
Yes!
What?
Who is he that dares destroy my beautifuI baby?
It's a woman.
I can see.
Marteetee,
when I was a chiId you ensIaved my father
and sIaughtered him in this very arena.
Today I avenge him.
First by killing the beast, second, by killing you.
Well, well, my tiny bee...
Oh, shit.
Let's go! We're going!
Brother, are you all right? I'm fine!
Come on, Iet's go!
This way!
Excuse me, my Iady.
May I but speak with you a moment?
I'd Iike to introduce myseIf.
I am Prince Fabious of Mourne
and this is my brother, Thadeous,
and his squire, young Courtney.
Hello.
We'd Iike to thank you for your heIp with that dread beast.
I have no time for your maiden pIeasantries.
My quest continues to the north.
As does ours.
I thought maybe for the sake of both our quests,
that we couId traveI together.
At Ieast, untiI we reach civiIization.
Yes, civiIization.
We are good men, we're questing to save my...
Excuse my brother.
He's not famiIiar with the customs of the road.
Do not touch me. Why are you making me Iook bad?
A warrior on the road never divuIges the nature of his quest.
One never knows if his aim may confIict with another's.
Yes, I was just being nice.
As we are on the same path,
I suppose you boys may follow me to MuIdiss Darton.
From there I seek navigation and march aIone.
We thank you. And may we have your name?
I'm IsabeI.
The Iast Iiving member of the Harshbarger order.
Well, IsabeI, my brother and myseIf will ensure
that you run into no danger whiIe you traveI with us.
With our huge muscIes, we shall protect you.
Who? Protect what?
To be fair, everyone will protect
each other equally, I'm certain.
But we will protect her more because we are men.
Boo! Gods!
What are you doing, Brother?
What right do you have, scaring a man Iike that?
Oh. What right have you to spy
on a bathing woman from the shrubs?
I'm simpIy keeping an eye on her.
She is not Iike one of our dimwitted chamber maids
that Iet me take them from behind.
This woman has me vexed.
What exactIy wouId it take for one
to tame such an adventurous sIut?
I imagine she'd want her man to be honorabIe,
boId, brave, know his way around a bIade.
Oh, god, she's Iooking at us. Remain perfectIy still.
Mmm. We're aImost out of wood.
Courtney, perhaps you and I shouId go and collect some firewood.
Yeah.
If you two wouIdn't mind tending these embers.
No, of course not.
Tend away.
Care for another bite of some meat?
You're not much for taIking, are you?
A true warrior must keep her focus on the road.
One never knows when death might be deaIt.
Mmm. Yes, of course.
I've been invoIved in many
death deaIings in focus-aI moments.
Yes, by your chiIdish shrieks
in the face of Marteetee's beast,
one couId see as much.
What exactIy is your probIem with me?
Do you have a sword stuck so far up your butt-hoIe
that you cannot even enjoy yourseIf for one moment?
My quest affords me no such Iuxury.
Not even on a tender night Iike this?
The moons gIimmering,
the coId air Iicking your tits.
On a night just Iike this I returned home from a hunt
to find a bIoodbath.
Nothing remained of my six beIoved brothers
save for their severed heads on stakes.
Their eyes had been pIucked,
their teeth taken as tokens.
I wear this braceIet, forged of the steeI of their shieIds,
as a constant reminder of my vow to avenge them.
My onIy advice wouId just be to keep your head up,
hang in there,
Iive every day to the fullest,
have sex as much as you can
by campfire when you're all aIone
and your brother is out gathering wood.
Just simpIe things Iike that.
Do you think he'll make Iove with her tonight?
Not a chance.
Either way, I've spent a Iifetime often envious of him.
Envious of Thadeous?
All the times that he couId sit back and have a Iaugh
and really enjoy the moment.
And I was up on stage
wearing make-up to cover my acne.
My hair perfectIy coiffed, even for war.
I think you misunderstand the situation.
He constantIy gazes at you with such eager eyes.
Sometimes he borrows your armor
and he prances around the courtyard, fIaiIing your sword,
going, ''I am Fabious!
''Look at me sIay dragon.''
He does it out of Iove. He Ioves you, sir.
He adores you.
I know tragedy as well. My mother is dead.
I have someone dead in my famiIy, too.
AIso, recentIy
my brother's bride-to-be was stoIen
by a devious wizard.
Wizard?
Mmm-hmm.
Huh.
If you couId keep a secret,
it was Leezar.
Leezar?
Mmm-hmm.
Ah.
I understand he's a very dangerous man.
Duh. That's why Fabious turned to me.
The most boId and brave and honorabIe man that he knows.
Mmm.
We aim to kill the magicaI cocksucker.
Do you see this compass?
What a fascinating device.
It will Iead us to a Iabyrinth which hoIds a bIade.
The onIy weapon strong enough to defeat the wizard.
Well, perhaps I misjudged you.
It's not your fauIt.
I know I may seem Iike I have a rugged exterior,
but underneath it all, I have a goIden heart that beats and beats.
So beautifuI.
That poor creature.
That's right.
Look at yourseIf.
Why wouId anyone ever want to be with you?
Hmm. I'm not sure, really.
Oh, yeah. Perhaps, because I'm rich,
I Iive in a castIe and I can do magic.
Okay, then why did you need to kidnap me if you're so desirabIe?
Because I'm the prophecy born, maybe.
Or I'm going to have a dragon soon
which I'll be abIe to controI,
and it's going to give me uItimate power.
How? Because you can make a dragon do things?
Yes. I couId make it devour peopIe
or breathe fire over the Kingdom of Mourne.
Mmm. Sounds fIimsy.
First of all, you obviousIy don't know
jack shit about the prophecy.
How do you know that it won't be me who controIs the dragon?
Because I am the chosen one.
Chosen one controIs the dragon.
Those are the ruIes, basically.
What are you Iaughing at?
I was just thinking about your penis
and how unusuaI it must Iook.
It doesn't Iook unusuaI.
How do you know it's going to work?
Because I've tested it. Really?
And if your vagina is anything Iike my hand
there will be no probIem.
Fair warriors, arise.
Two days before the ecIipse.
Thadeous, hand me the compass so I can check its shadow.
What?
The compass.
Oh.
That's weird.
It was around my neck when I sIept.
Where is it, Thadeous?
I don't know. I just woke up.
IsabeI seems to have gone.
IsabeI!
Shit.
Thadeous,
you didn't by chance tell her
anything about the nature of our quest, did you?
I may have dropped
a few minor detaiIs.
Did you tell IsabeI
anything about the one-of-a-kind mythicaI compass?
Mmm.
Gods!
She's run off with the compass.
We don't know that for sure. Oh, yeah?
Where is it? Where is she?
All right, well, it wasn't my fauIt.
I was falling madIy in Iove with her.
I was bedazzIed by her sweet bosom.
I was heIpIess.
You fooI!
Without the compass, how do we find the BIade of Unicorn?
And without that sword, how do we defeat Leezar?
Maybe we can find some other way, with nets or something.
Nets?
Oh, that's a great pIan.
And meanwhiIe, Belladonna's going to get raped and die!
We don't know for sure if she'll die.
Is this a joke to you?
Look, I'm sorry, but I shouIdn't even be here.
We've aImost been killed muItipIe times.
I will probabIy die on this quest.
Courtney definiteIy will.
Fuck Courtney, and fuck you!
Maybe they're right, everything they say about you.
They onIy say that stuff because of you,
because you go out and have to pretend to be the best.
And they Iook at me Iike I'm some sort of idiot.
Everyone in the kingdom wants to suck your dick.
No one wants to suck mine!
Oh, Thadeous,
you have the potentiaI to be such a nobIe warrior,
but instead you just Iet yourseIf go,
and everyone around you.
You have no idea what it's Iike to be me.
Being your brother is a curse.
I'd rather be brothers with anyone eIse but you.
You say nothing eIse for fear of what I might do.
Nothing!
Now get dressed and comb your hair.
I'm going to MuIdiss Darton.
Sex.
Come on, Courtney.
Come on.
For better or worse, we're here. MuIdiss Darton.
You and Courtney entertain yourseIves.
I'm going off to find the sword aIone.
AIone?
I can't afford to waste any more time.
Well, what are we to do?
Do whatever it is you do, Thadeous.
Well, obviousIy he's still upset.
Oh, gods, Courtney.
How my heart Iaments.
Having been betrayed by the sways of a beautifuI woman.
And Fabious, throwing his goddamn tantrums
with no regard for anyone eIse's feeIings.
He really needs to consider...
Sir, Iook over there.
It's that thieving IsabeI.
My gods! The balls of this woman!
Do you think any of those men are her boyfriends?
PossibIy.
Who wouId ever want to be her boyfriend?
What do we do?
I'll tell you what we do.
We go over there, we get the compass back,
we give it to Fabious,
we make him feeI horribIe
for the way in which he treated me,
and then you and I head for home.
You beIieve it to be as easy as that, sir?
Courtney, she is a woman, and we are a man.
How hard couId this be?
It's my birthday today, you know.
Fuck that.
Boremont!
You dare to betray me twice?
No, it's the same betrayaI as before.
It all just counts as one.
I suggest you surrender before my father's army gets here.
After Simon's message, they shouId be arriving nigh on now.
Ah, yes.
About your tin pet.
Simon.
Best of Iuck with your quest.
And you with yours.
Not so fast, trickster.
Hello, Thadeous.
The time for pIeasantries is through.
Do you feeI that tiny prick in your back?
Is that your cock?
No, 'tis a knife, but I'll gIadIy penetrate you with it.
Now Iook over your shouIder.
Other shouIder.
Frightening. Mmm-hmm.
We have you surrounded. An animaI in a cage.
Now sit.
So, who were those handsome men you were taIking to?
My contacts.
Mmm. By contacts do you mean
men you trick into Iiking you so you can fuck them over?
What are you taIking about?
You know what I'm taIking about.
The compass. Hand it over now.
You Iied. It does nothing.
Maybe if you wouId've gone to the Wize Wizard Iike we did,
he couId have expIained to you that it onIy works in sunIight.
Really?
Shit, I shouIdn't have toId you that.
Isn't the Wize Wizard a pervert?
Yes.
SadIy, I think he moIested my brother.
That's unfortunate.
Enough of your sympathy. The compass. Give it.
I need it to destroy Leezar.
Your quest is to kill Leezar?
Yes. My famiIy is the order of the GoIden Knights.
We're sworn to obstruct the prophecy of the dragon ecIipse.
That's what the GoIden Knights do?
It is my Iegacy to stop anyone
who wants to fuck to make dragons.
Yuck. Well, that's the same thing we're trying to do.
Why wouId you hinder us and steaI the compass?
His mothers sent my brothers to their death.
I must stop Leezar and I can't afford
to Iet anyone get in my way.
Least of all, a sIob and his boy.
Guess what? I despise you.
You're a bully and a whore.
Now give me the compass now.
And if I don't?
Well,
then things will get very nasty.
Oh, really?
Oh, really.
Shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh! God! Courtney, fucking do something.
Your Highness!
Excuse me.
What the fuck?
Take that shit outside!
Oh, sorry.
Hello.
Thank you for the hospitaIity, gentIemen.
That didn't really go as pIanned.
She's gone and now so is the compass.
She is, indeed, gone, sir.
The compass, however, is right here.
Courtney, my good man.
How did you do it?
Before your father bought me,
I was a sex sIave for a band of gypsies in the north
and they taught me a thing or two about sIeight-of-hand.
Oh, you.
Now you see me, now you don't.
DeIicious.
I can't wait to see the Iook
on Fabious' silly face when he sees this.
CIear!
Fabious.
What do we do?
I'll tell you what we do.
We will steaI a steed and we will ride to the next town.
We become ghosts, start a brand new Iife,
one where you still serve me. And we're stabIe boys,
and we bed the fickIe wives of farmers.
What about Fabious?
Oh, Fabious.
We'll remember him fondIy.
I really think we shouId try and rescue him.
But, how, Courtney? You are weak, and I am hungry.
You deceitfuI pricks. You stoIe the compass from me.
Who? I didn't. Courtney did.
PIease have mercy on us, Iady warrior.
Fabious has been captured by Leezar and his men.
He was captured?
Yes.
We got into a huge swordfight
and we were abIe to escape
and he was not.
I know how you're feeIing inside.
As if you cannot rest
untiI you destroy those who harmed your famiIy.
You want to skin them aIive then wear their fIesh as a cape
as you dance around their convuIsing corpses.
Yes, of course.
Yes.
That feeIing is all too famiIiar.
It's been burning in my beaver
since the day I Iost my brothers.
We've had our differences,
but if we work together,
we can save your brother, avenge my famiIy,
and destroy Leezar once and for all.
This woman is mad.
I beIieve we found our Iabyrinth.
Where? The compass has Ied us to a dead end.
Shall we return home?
It appears as though there's something written here
in the Ianguage of the HighIand Dwarf.
I can't read it.
Sir, you're well-versed in the HighIand Dwarf Ianguage, aren't you?
You read Dwarf, Thadeous?
I have had encounters with those peopIe, yes.
Really? Well, then what does it say?
Fucker.
It's nonsense.
It says, ''What Ieads you here will Iead you there.''
It's rubbish.
HighIand Dwarves are a silly cuIture.
Oftentimes they speak and I have no idea what they're taIking about.
What is she doing?
Perfect fit.
You coming?
What is that fouI stench?
What was that noise?
I don't know, Courtney. But I don't Iike this.
I fear we're not aIone in here.
What is that thing? I don't know, but run!
IsabeI!
Sir?
HeIp! Your Highness!
Courtney!
Thadeous!
IsabeI!
Companions, where are you?
Courtney! Hello?
Thadeous!
Where are you, sire?
This is the BIade of Unicorn?
It's just bones.
You've found it.
Who said that?
'Tis I, the souI of this maze and protector of the bIade.
'Tis my duty to ensure
onIy a true hero carries the bIade from this tomb.
Okay.
Say, for instance, a man entered here
by accident who wasn't a true hero.
What wouId happen to him?
Death.
I see. Well,
I am no true hero.
So I wouId Iike to just pIace the sword back where I found it,
and then I will go my way, and you won't kill me,
and that will be that, okay?
Go?
Where wouId you Iike to go?
Is that...
Your home.
Okay, well, I wouId sureIy go there. That wouId be fine.
Shall I just sIide the sword back into the thingy,
or pIace it gentIy upon the ground?
And if I toId you that your brother
will die without the heIp of this bIade,
wouId you still waIk through that door?
Without the bIade, Fabious will be heIpIess against Leezar.
Shut your magicaI hoIe. Why are you showing me this?
It's what you wanted, is it not?
Your brother gone.
You'll be king of all the Iand.
Think of the power,
the women, the bush, the sticky-icky, the honeypots.
Well, it wouId be nice to be king.
And all you have to do is forget about the bIade.
Leave it where you found it and never think of this pIace again.
That's very sweet but I am not a femaIe Minotaur.
There you go. Those are sharp now.
That tickIes. Get off me. All right.
Get off of me!
Whew!
Did you just see that?
I came back for you all! I saved you!
What, you were going to Ieave us?
No, of course not.
Is that the...
BIade of Unicorn?
Yes, my companions, it is.
It's so beautifuI.
It's very, very sharp.
Come here, you silly.
What are you doing?
I was just trying to cut this horn as a souvenir of my kill,
but it's proving to be a bit of a bitch.
You can never sever the horn of a Minotaur.
Hmm.
Only a champion man
would hold the Blade of Unicorn in his hands.
And I, Thadeous, am that man.
I have seen the pain in my reflection
and watched the strength of my brother, unflinching.
My quest is one of love,
but also in this moment of forgiveness, of redemption,
even amongst the smallest of foes.
My path has been unstable
but my conviction is born to damn those who doubted me.
To lessen those who tested me.
To right what is wrong.
To restore faith that has long been lost.
And to rise to great heights even beyond my own legend
as a great cocksmith, master pintsman,
and stunningly handsome prince of light in these dark Dark Ages.
True trials await,
and I will greet thee with the hammer of my fist
and the slide of my sword.
As the fog clears, I will follow the voice that guides me.
My love, my heart, my gods.
The time is now!
Let us quest!
At Iong Iast, I have you firmIy in my grasp.
The pesky Prince Fabious.
The IittIe sneak who time and time again
has foiIed every one of my pIots.
Who has sIain every one of my beasts.
Who has bested me without faiI untiI now.
Do what you will to me. But unhand my Iove.
Let Belladonna go!
Cast your gIance heavenward
and know that when the ceiIing parts, and the moons aIign,
I will be entering your Iove.
SacriIege! You wretched wizard.
My mothers have aIready moistened Belladonna for forepIay.
You'll excuse me if I take my Ieave.
I shall kill you!
Boremont, my comrade.
PIease, get me out of here.
If Leezar wins tonight, the entire worId will tumbIe into darkness.
My heart has soured on this worId Iong ago.
Perhaps a regime change is just what it's needed.
Boremont, you gave your hand for me. Now you're taking my heart.
Look at me, Boremont!
Don't do this.
Anyway, so that you don't feeI Iike
you're missing out on any of the fun,
Iet me introduce you to my friend, Timotay.
As Leezar enters Belladonna,
he will Iower you onto that spike,
thereby giving you a good poking as well.
Belladonna, I Iove you!
All right.
Well, seeing that I did the buIk of the work in the Iabyrinth,
perhaps it's one of your turns to Iead the way now.
Step back, new friends. I'll Iead the way.
For tonight, eviI has met its match.
Fantastic! Thank you again for coming.
Oh!
God.
Wow, right out of the gate.
We shouId proceed with a bit more caution.
Let go of me!
You fouI witches! I hate you all.
Stop Iaughing.
SiIence!
Let me go!
I shall be unabIe to have sex with her with all that shrieking.
If it's obedience that you want,
we will put her under a spell.
She will surrender.
Obey.
Let it begin.
The winch, Courtney.
Brother! What are you doing here?
We came to rescue you.
You did?
Yes! Are you surprised?
Yes!
Courtney, you're still aIive! IsabeI!
All right. Great.
We haven't much time! Let's get weapons.
Fabious, there's something eIse I shouId tell you.
What?
I wouId never Iet your true Iove come to harm.
I present you with the BIade of Unicorn.
Brother, it is beautifuI.
And Your Highness, pIease forgive my deception.
Our two quests now work as one.
Nice.
We're in this together, sir.
Yes.
Simon!
Now mine eyes have seen it all.
'Tis onIy a truce. Courtney had him restored.
He manipuIated me into friendship
by tugging at my heartstrings.
Right.
What's he saying?
It seems the way is more treacherous than I thought.
I cannot ask you to come with me.
I know you do not expect much from me, Fabious.
But I will stand with you on this night.
Is this the same brother that wouId not be my best man?
I did not deserve to be your best man.
You do now.
We can finish this whenever you maidens are ready.
Ready!
The time is nigh!
The moons are about to aIign.
Intruders!
You're too Iate! The fuckening has begun.
Get him!
You shit!
Kill them!
Why is she making these noises?
Courtney!
Boremont!
Bastard!
Thadeous!
I'm not stiffening!
I'm just not attracted to you.
Fuck me!
Love me!
Adiós, motherfucker!
Teamwork!
God, I never wanted it to end Iike this, oId friend.
Master Fabious.
I Ioved you!
I Ioved you, too, Boremont.
As onIy a knight can Iove a knight.
No.
I Ioved you
as a man Ioves another man.
Oh.
Jumping!
Quick! We must hurry!
What? No, no, don't suck that! That's dead!
Next time you want to smash a bIoodIine of knights,
make sure you kill all of them!
We did!
You forgot about their sister.
Thadeous! What are you doing here?
I'm trying to rescue you. We must hurry!
Step away from my virgin.
She's my brother's virgin.
If you want to fuck her,
you'll have to fuck me first.
It wouId be my pIeasure.
Stop!
It's over.
Take your Iast breath with nobiIity.
You fooI.
I cannot be sIain by mortaI bIade.
One must possess the powerfuI...
I know.
BIade of Unicorn.
It's not possibIe.
My Iove.
Think I'm beginning to Iike the feeI
of bIood and fiIth upon these fingers.
Perhaps I will never bathe again.
UnIess, of course, there were a woman
brave enough to bathe beside me.
You fought with honor.
Why don't you treat yourseIf and take rest at our castIe?
We've all the sIaves, pickIes and servants one couId ever desire.
We have dancing bears, OrientaIs
and all the berries you care to pick.
I wish I couId, but I never rest.
There's yet another quest that calls me to the Western Marshes.
I must surprise a band of thieves
and burn them aIive one by one in a symphony of shrieks.
I will not forget you, Prince.
Nor will I.
Here. To remember me. Oh.
I don't want that thing touching me.
Say hello. Ooh.
No.
Shh. Take it.
No, it's yours.
I cannot accept another warrior's trophy.
Courtney, take my dick.
Till we meet again.
Is thou all right, Brother?
I Iove you.
I Iove you, too.
They're cheering for you.
They're cheering for all of us.
Even for me?
Especially you, Brother.
I'm proud of you, son.
You saved the entire Iand.
Not a bad run for a first quest.
Well, I wouId be remiss to say I did it aIone.
Fabious did heIp where he couId.
Hmm. Hmm.
I'm sure.
Finally. AIone.
Hello, there. Cock-a-doodIe-do.
Ah, IsabeI.
Brother?
Yes?
Am I interrupting something?
Nothing, I was preparing for bedtime
and just Iooking at the oiIs that Father gave me.
Ah! I know what you're doing!
No, you don't.
Well, seeing you by yourseIf at the wedding didn't seem right.
So, I've brought you someone.
Someone I know you've been missing... IsabeI?
...and who's been missing you.
I brought you Steven!
Oh.
I went on a mini-quest and I found him for you.
Well, that was
very nice of you, Fabious. Thank you.
I had so much fun on our adventure together.
Yes, I know. You have toId me 15 fucking times now.
All right. Sweet dreams, Brother.
Sweet dreams.
Steven.
Well, I'm going to put you in the corner now whiIe I strum my fiIthies.
Come, come, Steven.
Here we go.
IsabeI.
I was abIe to wrap things up in the west quicker than I expected.
I've not been abIe to stop thinking of you.
What a coincidence. I was just about to finish thinking of you.
Wait. Before we go any further,
there's something I have to show you.
What?
What the hell is that?
It's a chastity beIt
put upon me by an eviI witch Iong ago.
She now roams the snow mountains of Shahmir.
If I can defeat her,
the curse will be broken, the beIt will fall free.
So in order for us to make Iove,
we have to track down an eviI and, I'm assuming, dangerous witch?
ExactIy.
Hmm.
We wouId have to do this right now?
If you don't want to join me,
I couId just take care of it myseIf.
No, of course I want to come. We just got home.
I was hoping to have a few hours
ofjust doing nothing, perhaps just reIaxing.
Let's just stay here and snuggIe.
Hmm.
No, fuck it. Let's kill that bitch.